


stupid kiwi

by hajimerad



Category: tumblrpuella
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, this is gay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-27
Updated: 2013-12-27
Packaged: 2018-01-06 08:25:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1104628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hajimerad/pseuds/hajimerad
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>shiba is faced with the problems of college, and most certainly, friendship. hearts will be broken. people will be hurt. this will be rad, indeed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. stupid kiwi

  
[7:09:03 PM] Zedrin: jfc everyone in this chat is on drugs  
shiba/kiwi  
boob/len  
gaby/cheese/buff  
riddles/alec  
meg/annie  
north/neeza  
elys/zed/koneko own dorms.

shiba pov

  
\--

  
I hate lots of things.

  
Like this school, and the people in it. The teachers, the bathrooms, and most certainly the classes. I mostly hated myself. But, there were people, in this life. People I don't ever want to forget. People who gave me a reason to live, more or less. Contradictory, isn't it?

  
The thought of even having friends was quite a miracle. On the brink of your suicidal self, and thoughts, thoughts that make you do stupid things. The white noise tearing your head apart every single day of the week, sputtering disgusting things about how useless I am, no need needs me, the list goes on.....

  
Frankly, it was so frequent I almost fell for the trap.

  
Then I met a tiny, delicate girl. Who was truely the complete opposite of me, and was also my fated to be roomate - Kiwi.  
Kiwi was beautiful. Everything about her mesmerizing. Hell, my other friends seem to love calling me out on how long I glue my eyes to that delicate face. It was as if I even make a slightly wrong move, her parts would be shattered on the floor in an instant, and that scared me.

  
It took too much effort to ask her simple questions, just because of that damn innocent persona.

  
And her _voice_. Upon first meeting, it was brittle. It was as if she could break down crying at any moment, and that probably finalized my decision to be so hard on her. Though, as time went on, it became slightly easier to talk to her each month, and her voice eventually became soft-spoken. In a pleasuring way. I sometimes heard her sing in the shower, in which I closed my eyes and focused on every syllable projecting into the dorm. A melodious tune, calming my senses, and forcing me into a deep sleep. In which, mysteriously, when I wake up, there is a blanket that I am cuddling into for warmth. Or, her scent.

  
I dream on those days. About her. I Imagine her, shaking too much, as if she was thrown out into a horrible blizzard. I wrap my hands around her freezing body, and comfort her within the oncoming storm. I lightly place a kiss on her forehead, and suddenly I wake up.

Sometimes I cry.

  
Because in those moments, I realize how alone I am.

  
And then I cry too loudly, and she hears me, and she runs over to me, hugging me so delicately. I accept her embrace, because I'm crying too hard, and I don't care about anything anymore. My tears swim around on her shoulder, and I hear delicate words, touching my ear, giving me comfort. I calm down, tell her how horrible I am, and go to sleep. Selfishly dreaming of her.

  
Stupid, Stupid Kiwi. I hated her.

  
\--

  
A year passes from this so delicate relationship.

  
\--  
"...It's already 7....you're going to be late..."

  
I bury my head into my sheets even more, making sure her voice doesnt reach me. Of course, it's futile, and she roughly snatches the pillow from my grip, and makes her not very rare annoyed faces.

 

"Shiba...! If you skip school again, you know you're going to be suspended!"

 

Her voice bothers me.  
  
But she looks at me with those eyes, and I sigh, figuring she'll only pry me more. These days werent a rare occasion, after all. Kiwi had gotten...less tolerant of my lazyness, and she decided on trying to set me right. To no avail, of course.

 

"A-Alright, alright. I'm up, see?"

 

She stares at me heavily, but her gaze becomes lighter when she realizes I'm not hogging the bed anymore. Smiling her overly happy smile, she lifts my backpack and with no warning, tosses it to me. Which the backpack almost crushes me. I could tell she was already fed up with me today.

On the other hand, the dorms are...okay, at the very least. Our beds were across from each other, so I wasn't really able to watch her sleep, as I liked facing the wall most of the time. There's a table at the very center of our square-shaped dorm. She had a closet, I had a closet. Everything was pretty even, and the room has a less sullen atmosphere with Kiwi here. So it was alright.

I needed to stop getting Kiwi wrapped into my thoughts.

Stupid Kiwi.

\--

  
It was already time to head off to class before I could even iniate a conversation with my belov- I mean dormmate. So we headed off together, since we shared most of our classes. I didn't mind, of course. I never really payed attention anyway, thanks to her.

  
We were introduced to our English teacher, who called herself Ms. Koneko. I wasn't sure If I was going to like her, as her energetic overenthusium got on my nerves during her introduction. Kiwi seemed to love her, and I could understand why. Ms. Koneko was like an older version of Kiwi. It was cute, in a way. I was obligated to appreciate the teacher, but her optimism still irked me. Ms. Koneko seemed to love her job, suprisingly. She had a way of making the subject interesting, and the participation within the classroom was overwhelming. I was able to get used to it and even started contributing things of my own every now and then. I decided that Ms. Koneko would be my favorite teacher. Kiwi's too. damnit stupid kiwi get out of my head

  
My classes consisted of most of my friends. I did make some, I shit you not. Besides Kiwi I did have other amazing friends. Friends I wouldn't mind getting personal with. About my feelings, and awful I am. Yet they tolerated me. It was more than what I could ask for.

  
Even now I have those shitty days still.

  
Days where I sit and cry all over Kiwi's beautiful shoulders. Then I tell her she shouldn't hold me like this, because I will ruin her shirt.  
Kiwi doesn't say anything though, and she holds me close, tightly. As if she could lose me at any second.

  
So I grip her tightly, too.

  
Because I don't ever want to lose stupid, stupid Kiwi.

  
\--

  
"Hm? Oh, what's the homework for math class again? I forgot."

  
Gaby swiftly turns to face me. It always takes a bit for her to notice me, but she eventually catches on. She's always..staring into space. Thinking about who knows what. Probably her roommate, Cheese.

And, Cheese? Don't ask. Yes, it's her real name.

I rather liked Cheese and Gaby. Something about them...seemed perfect. It was odd, but it worked out. A certain incident with me and Cheese a long time ago was pretty disapointing. As we both liked each other, yet were both completely oblivious to it. Then Cheese met Gaby. Let's just say things went pretty interesting from there.  
There's always together now, and honestly, I don't seem to mind anymore. They love each other a lot, I figure, and I don't want to ruin their beautiful relationship, because it just feels right.

That aside, they had really grown to like each other and I specially appreciated. They're both wonderful people, and I feel their company was as strong as Kiwi's.

Kiwi's company was strong?

"Oh, rememer that worksheet we got earlier? That's it."

Gaby's straightforward answer had interrupted my thoughts. I nodded slowly, still pushing my thoughts towards Kiwi. I wish Gaby hadn't noticed the apparently 'happy' look on my face.

"Hey, is somethin' up? You look suprisingly happy, and not fuckin' miserable for once."

I brushed her off, anything to prevent her from my particularly happy thought. "...Nothing's wrong. Fuck off."

Gaby smiled one of those stupid ass smiles likes she's figured something out, and she pratically slurs the words out as if she's in bed with you.

"Are you thinking about _her?"_

 

I swear I could fucking punch her if I wanted to.

  
She gives me one of those smug grins that I hate so much, and I quickly turn my head to hide the embarassing tint of red that crept it's way onto my face.

"F-Fuck you" I say curtly.

She giggles and I grab my things as fast as I can and bolt out of the classroom, and her giggles find their ways to the fucking hallways and it's the last thing I hear before I run into someone.

  
\--

  
He laughs this _incredibly adorable laugh_ and lends me a hand. I hold onto his wrist tightly, and I'm afraid I'm hurting him, but he doesn't seem to mind. He smiles an _equally_ _adorable smile_ and he brings me to my feet.

I dust my pants a bit and thank the boy. He rubs his hands through hair and it's so cute.

"I-I'm Riddles...! It's nice to meet you, I guess. Are you okay?"

That's fucking cute.  
I smile at the boy and extend my hand.

"Shiba. O-Oh yeah I'm fine. I'm sorry, by the way, I wasn't r-really, watching where I was going."

He grips my hand it's so warm. I loved warmth more than anything, so of course, our handshake lasts an awfully long time. I let go as if he had just burned me and in reality, he really truely did.

I look at him with my stupid looking grin. I just hope he didn't recongnize how hopeless I looked at the moment. He doesn't seem to mind, though, and that makes me calm down a bit.

"It's fine, really. It's not like I wasn't either, ahah."

I burn up at his words, and his voice wasn't really helping, either. I manage to keep my cool and I find out I'm staring right into his eyes as he's staring right into mine. We hold the gaze for a while, and it's quiet and delicate between us. I gulp, and realize what happened. I shake my head a bit and avoid his look within seconds of the moment, and I sputter out,

"N-No! It's fine!! Y-You haven't done anything, I'm sorry!"

I sound awful and my tone is hoarse but I'm too flustered to care. I turn around quickly, but he grabs my shoulder firmly. I shudder.

"What's the rush? Did I do something wrong?"

The boy's tone had gotten dark, and it displayed regret.

I feel awful and guilty yet I avoid the gaze once again. His eyes were too mesmerizing.

"You're fine....I just-"

He trips over himself, and minutes later he's on top of me.  
I could only hope this day wouldn't get any worse.

But it's fine, because Riddles is a sweet boy, and I'm sure he doesn't mind whatever stupid thing I do.

I'm awful, though.

\--

  
There's also this other girl. Who apparently had to be thrown into a dorm with Cheese and Gaby. Poor girl. I think people called her buff? Yeah, that's it. She was a pal, and I could honestly rely on her.

She's also very generous. Something I was horrible at being.

Buff has done so many nice things for me, and even helped me through my self loathing moments, in which I truely appreciated more than I let on.  
Her and Gaby were close. Super close.

It was almost...unsettling how close they were.

I brushed the thought away quickly. That was riduculous. There was no where something would be going on between them. I slapped myself a few times. It was stupid. So stupid.

Usually when Cheese and Gaby were out, Buff would invite me to her dorm to hang for a bit. I always accept, because Kiwi is usually busy anyway, so I found it in my time to hang with my other friends for a bit.

Tonight, though, Buff was, different from usual. The atmosphere in the room was darker, and I was honestly afraid.

"...You came, huh?"

It was as if Buff didn't _expect_ me to come.  
I stare at her, bewildered.

"Of course, Seriously."

We sit in uncomfortable silence for a few moments. I'm able to right through her, though. She's acting so much like me for some reason, and I know something's not right. I decide to break the silence.

"What happened?"

I get straight to the point.

She winces at this, and I know I defiantly know something's not right.

"..N-Nothing. It's none of your buisness."

"So you're just going to mope around when I have no ability to help?"

"...."

She replies with utter silence. A silence where you can only hear one another's breathing, and the occasional footsteps outside of the dorm.  
I sigh, and lighten my tone.

"I'm sorry, just...."

What could I say? What happened? What could I do to help?  
I hated this. I hated when I couldn't do anything. That feeling of uselessness. Oh, is it the worst feeling the world. I sickly look at her, with pity in my eyes. Her eyes stay glued to the ground though, and I'm glad she can't see my face.

"Get better." I say in monotone. It's awful, and I feel awful, and I know how awful it is. I was angry, for some reason. It was stupid. I was stupid. I go straight to the door, not looking back, because I knew she felt like shit and it probably grew because of me. I leave, and I can hear small, muffled sobs from the room. Tears form in my eyes, but I don't care. I'm horrible and awful do i really even care about buff what is happening im trash what did i-

"S-Shiba..?"

I recongnize Cheese's lighthearted voice and I see she was running toward me, with a sullen Gaby to follow.

Cheese quickly wipes the microscopic tears that had been forming (it's amazing she could see then from the other end of the hall) and looks into my eyes with that concerned look of hers.

"What happened? Whats with those tears?" She says in her regularely adorable ass voice.

I shake my head and smile one of my fake reassuring smiles.

"It's....nothing. Don't worry about it! I'm just being stupid, after all. Ahaa!"

It's terrible, and Cheese knows I'm a terrible actor, but she doesn't care. She's like Riddles, in a sense, and I've always liked that.  
Cheese seems confused, but Gaby looks at me with knowing eyes.

Does she know?

Is she _apart_ of why Buff was like this?

Gaby turns her head away.

Cheese didn't look fully convinced. She saw through me the second I smiled. She seemed to have brushed it off, though.

"Ah, really? Well, that's fine! Have a great night!!"

She pratically drags Gaby to their dorm, and I don't press any further.

I head back to my dorm, and I cry into Kiwi's lap for the 5th time that week.  
 

Maybe I didn't hate everyone, but even so.

Sometimes the people closest to you end up hurting you.

  
\--

  
It was then, there, when things went completely downhill.

  
  



	2. kiwi no

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ms. koneko gets some
> 
> kiwi mysteriously loses interest in shiba
> 
> len is gay
> 
> buff and gaby and cheese make a come back

5 weeks later after chapter 1 events

 

Ms. Koneko slams her hands down on her desk rather obnoxiously.

At you, of course.

"Miss Shiba..! I won't tolerate you sleeping in class! This is the 4th time this week!"

You growl and shoot her a look. She's pretty damn irritating when you're feeling like shit. You sigh and sit up at the best of my ability. As she teaches she sometimes catches yout eyes and stares back just as intimidatingly.  Things have gotten like this quite fast since that night with Buff. You seem to have this relationship with a few friends now, it was odd. But I guess it didn't matter, right? 

Ms. Koneko notices you lost in though again, but gives you a more concerning look than annoyed. Was she genuniely concerned? Nah, she wasn't interested. Sometimes Kiwi talked to her behind your back, I knew. Maybe....no way.

The bell rung, and you were honestly happy to be out of there.

You rush toward my dorm, running into a boy you had met a few days ago -  Len.

That boy hated me, at least, you think. It was like a hate/love relationship, really. He was cool, Yeah, but he was insane. 

"....Hey, Shiba..........."

That guy...

"..Are you going to the school fesitival?"

You think a bit.

Of course, the school fesitival. You were actually looking forward to it for the longest time. It had completely slipped your mind! You were glad Len had brought it up, and you rarely ever felt so grateful to him. Though, in reality, he really was a great boy, and he did mean well. Most of the time, anyway. You did enjoy his company, and even offered him a smile. He smiled back and you felt probably better then you did weeks ago with the Buff incident.

"Oh, yeah. I'm so looking forward to that. Anyone you taking in particular?"

It couldn't hurt to ask, though you doubt Len would really prefer to hang out with anyone. To your suprise he seemed quite, happy, in that moment.

"Well...I'll leave that up to you..."

He slithered past you and continued his way through the hall.

You will never understand him, anyway.

\--

You wrap your hand around the doorknob, quite cautiously. You had hoped Kiwi to be in here, but of course, as you open the door delicately, she was no where in sight. You're not sure where she had gone the past few days, but you were certainly sick of it.

You sigh deeply and headed toward the shower. You clumsily slip your clothes off and entered the shower to calm yourself a bit. Not like it helped, but you were at peace for the moment. Everything was a mess, on buff's end, anyway. She's refused to talk to you for the past week, and Gaby seems to be relunclant, too. Cheese seems oblivious what could be going on between them. You slam your head against the cold wall. 

At least you had the school festival, which you hope won't turn out to be horrible. Maybe you'd make plans with Len if he wasn't planning to drag someone with him. Or maybe just Kiwi. Though she seemed to be disappearing often, which bothered you to no end.

You sigh once more, and slide against the wall.

You think you're overreacting...

Probably.

What could be so serious between Gaby and Buff? It couldn't of been that big a deal, right?

You realize how you noticed Gaby and Buff being too close lately, and then It hits you.

It hits you so hard because your sobbing and you hear Kiwi and you realize she's been in here with you since you entered.

She resides on the other side of the shower curtain, yet you reach out to her, because you want her to embrace you, but you know that won't work out because you're completely naked and she's probably not comfortable with that.

You resist your urge and quickly wash your hair, and dry up quickly, to meet Kiwi, who had left the bathroom quite relunctantly.

"I'm so angry everything is stupid I wish I could fucking do something i will burn-"

Are the words you spat out at her as she sat at her bed, probably without a care in the world.

You bite your lip for a moment and you stare at her.

She doesn't seem interested the slightest.

Kiwi stares at the groud, uninterested. Bored, really.

Bored.

You cautiously approach her, and you grab strands of her hair. It had, gotten longer, for some unknown reason.

She stares into your eyes, as if she could see into your soul. With that bored, uninterested look.

It's so unsettling, and you wince under her gaze.

Yet she still stares into you.

You say nothing.

She says nothing.

"K-Kiwi..?" You dare to ask.

She cups your face, and is suddenly even closer to you.

"....Gross..."

She replies in monotone, and removes her hands from your face. Her interest in you had completely depleted.

You watch as she continues to stare at the ground. 

You leave.

You're scared.

You're hurt.

And you go to Ms. Koneko because she must know something. Anything. In desperation you run toward her office, and she smiles her disgustingly bright smile.

\--

"..Ms. Koneko...what...where did Kiwi go..?" You ask stupidly, because you know she won't understand you.

Ms. Koneko looks at you stupidly, as you expected.

"What do you mean, Shiba? Is she not in your dorm?"

You growl. You go into Ms. Koneko's drawr. She doesn't mind, so you rummage through her desk until you find a card, containing the grades of every student. Kiwi, suprisingly seemed to be excelling greatly in all of her classes. 100s in each and every class. Your look was dark, something was wrong. Very wrong. You rarely saw Kiwi in that time and you'd noticed how less she studied, and how her grades had been increasing. Amazingly. She had gotten a perfect 100 accompanied by your 73.

You stare at Ms. Koneko dumbfoundedly. She looks at you grimly as well. 

She knows something.

Not knowing what exactly to do, you lunge at your teacher, and grab her by the collar. 

She gasps, and you can feel just how fragile she really was.

"..Ghhg! It was doctor Zedrin..........he did this...I..Kiwi..."

She says in a breathy voice. You immediately let go of her, and cringe.

Doctor Zedrin....you've heard that name before, and you swore...

He was your math professor. 

He was smart. Damn smart. And you had the feeling he would be perfect for whatever this was. You remembered Kiwi. Her bored face and expression. It grabbed at your heard because it honestly pained you. Whatever Kiwi was now, was certainly not the comforting Kiwi you remember. 

\--

**gaby pov**

**  
**Fuck, what time was it? Could you even remember?

Your girlfriend, Cheese, was snuggling close to you, and your other girlfriend, Buff, was sleeping on the ground, lonely and cold.

You run your fingers through Cheese's silky hair. You loved her hair. It was soft, and she was cute. Tiny, in your arms. You move around a bit so you could wrap your arms tightly around her. Tears form in your eyes, and you're not sure how long it will last. Because you liked them both. So, so much. Yet, there was only one. Why was there only one? You groaned, had enough of this bullshit, and quietly slipped out from under Cheese's firm grip, which she easily let go.

You put on your lame slippers, and leave your dorm. For a walk, maybe.

Shiba notices you, and looks relieved. You're not sure what to tell her, because she'd probably ask about Buff, and the reason you've been so cold to her. But, you find this moment a good oppurnunity to make up for your uncalled for behavior.

Shiba growls a bit, and whispers profanities under her breath, and finally speaks. 

"Gaby! Ugh, I'm so glad I saw you out here, I have a favor to ask."

A favor? You honestly can't remember the last time she relied on you for anything. Not like the time you asked to borrow her pencil and ending up breaking it to be cool like the rest of the kids breaking their pencils in karate chops.

"Can I ask you to...mm, accompany me? To Doctor Zedrin's office, I mean."

Doctor Zedrin? Oh, how you hated that teacher. He was always...talking about Math. Because he teaches Math. You hate math. So you hate him.

You nod for a bit and seriously wonder why Shiba was interested in talking to a teacher at 2 in the morning. You don't question it, though, and Shiba looks relieved. She leads the way to the office, and you decide on some conversation.

"..Ugh, I-I'm sorry about the past weeks, I was neglecting you, for s-somethin' stupid. Guh, I'm sorry."

Much to my relief, Shiba looked more concern about other things.

"It's totally fine, don't sweat it." she says swiftly.

You lift an eyebrow, as you noticed earlier Shiba had been so bother by Gaby and Buff, yet now....

How could she switch to something else so fast?

"So....what do you want with Doctor Zedrin, anyway?"

Shiba frowns, and doesn't answer your question. Honestly, was she started to neglect you now?

No, Shiba was reasonable. You thought. She wouldnt ignore you because you ignored her, right?

You don't know what to say, and you allow Shiba to lead the way. You think about Cheese. You think about Buff. You feel guilty, in a way, because. in reality, weren't you betraying them both?

And did you have the will to care?

\--

In which things will spiral into more. ga(b)y insanity

 


	3. KIWI NO zed u ass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> um  
> kiwi
> 
> :/

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> um slightly nsfw idk im trashy

**shiba pov**

You practically stormed through the halls with a confused Gaby. You outright ignored her question, because you were scared. You were scared. For Kiwi, or...of Kiwi? It was hard to tell, and you just wanted to find Zed before you lost your mind in those thoughts. Thoughts about,  _boring_ things. 

Boring things?

Gaby was certainly giving you a look now. She wasn't happy, obviously, at your silence to her question. Gaby seemed to make a big deal about it, though. You were bothered but you needed Gaby's personality to deal with Doctor Zedrin. You're not even sure Ms. Koneko even told you the truth, but what could you do? You WERE physically hurting her, it was only natural. Though, you could be the asshole in all of this. You even considered the idea a lot.

Gaby looks like she's sick of your shit and she pulls her hand right out of your grip, and not so pleasantly. You open your mouth to protest but Gaby quickly talks in time to stop you.

"Come on, just tell me what the fuck happened."

She looks really angry now, but you don't want to answer the question. How could you explain Kiwi's sudden behavior? It hurts to think about it anyway, and besides, what right did Gaby have to even know? Well, you did drag her along but-

"I don't want to tell you. Is that so much a problem?"

Gaby grits her teeth at me, she was angry, but she didn't look like she wanted to attack me, so she backed off. Still, she glared at me every minute or so. It was unsettling, because she look this so seriously. Why was it so important to her?

You didn't care. You walked forward without thinking about anything. It was soon, then, you noticed Zedrin's door. You mutter something under your breath, in which Gaby struggles to hear. You quickly grip the doorknob and literally fling the door open. Zed was seen rummaging through the files in his desk, and he jumped, startled by the way you obnoxiously opened the door. He turns to you and Gaby with mild interest.

"..Hm? Gaby? Mameshiba? What is it?"

You literally launched yourself at him at the sound of that fucking ridiculous nickname he'd come up for you. 

"Zedrin! I know you did this to her, didn't you....."

It had begun as a scream but my voice seemed to return to normal by the end of the sentence. Couldn't have other people showing up here, because you had buisness with the man in the tuxedo before your very eyes. He smiled. It was absurd but he smiled. He picked you up ever so lightly, and placed you next to the once again, very confused gaby.

Gaby, on the other hand, was not doing quite so well. She turned to me. "W-What do you mean? Who's _her?_

"Do you really think I could just tell you now!?" I declare, and I turn my attention back towards Zedrin. 

"Kiwi....what did you do to her."

I growled at him. Whatever happened to Kiwi, couldn't have happened with her doing, right? Someone had manipulated her, right? Something...forced her to become...

Nothing.

Zedrin didn't have so much as a trace of concern in his look. He looked at me calmly, awaiting whatever explanation I had for this, and I certainly had one. "Kiwi. She's not acting like herself. She's. She's just...just boring. Right? She's boring. She rejects me. She's nothing like she should be a-and this tears at my heart, because I know she wouldn't just....turn into this. It was you, wasn't it?"

I was shaking now, because I wasn't even sure if anything I had said was even true. It was awful and I'm terrible. No- Zed was terrible. He caused all of these thoughts, right? He was the one who should be suffering right now.

Yet, I couldn't stop.

Kiwi was surely, surely _made_ to be like this.

Made to be.

Cultivated.

Hope.

Zed sat up, prepared to explain, but realized he only needed to say a few things.

"You mean- Our Project?"

'Our project'? Ms, Koneko-

"It's good you asked, really! Because Kiwi was our main subject."

\--

You and Gaby are in detention.

Gaby sighs her obnoxious ass sigh, and stares in horror at the table we sat at. We sit in silence. Uncomfortable Silence, at that. You stare out the window. You see Kiwi. Her hair is down past her ass, now. You look away, because you don't want to see anymore, and you feel Gaby nudge into your side.

"Hey, let's get out of here, I don't want to be in here any longer than you do."

You agree almost immediately, because it's getting hot in here. You hold onto Gaby's arm as if it's a lifeline, because honestly, You and Gaby were the only ones who knew about this Hope cultivation Project. You hold onto her - because you don't have Kiwi to hold onto anymore.

You're in Gaby's dorm when Cheese and Buff arn't around, and you shiver. You take this oppertunity, and grab her. You hug her, you pull her close, and allow her to wrap her arms around you. You're hopeless, because you break into tears into her shoulder, and she's suprisingly soothing. You swear to forgive Cheese for this, and honestly, you're not sure if you should. You're upset, right? You need  _someone. anyone, right now. To just comfort you, and tell you it will be okay._

_Because you love these beautiful lies, and you know it will never be okay._

Luckily, Gaby sobs softly in the embrace as well.

"Useless." she says, and you both soon see your seperate ways.

The next day, you sit with Gaby in the cafeteria, because Kiwi is no where in sight. Gaby smiles a calm smile, which was usually rare on the girl. She tells you about Cheese, because you haven't heard anything about the two yet, and you even asked for it. You bring up Buff and she gets pretty quiet. From then on, you both agree not to talk about Kiwi or Buff. Sometimes even Cheese was excluded. And all you could talk about was Len or Riddles. Gaby mentions how they were cute together. You nod because it honestly was cute. You both eat slowly everyday.

So you could take the time of the day to comfort each other.

Gaby asks about the school festival, and you seem...well, less excited then you last were, but it was still something to look forward to.

"Hey, do you mind going to the festival with me, Gaby? I mean, if you're not taking Cheese or anything."

Gaby accepts a little to quickly, and when the silence comes back between you two, you take the oppertunity to ask.

"...Has anything been happening in..your dorm lately?"

She nearly chokes on her food, and you know something sure has.

Gaby grumbles and she probably figured 'I found about Kiwi, so it's best to just tell you'. 

"Buff and Cheese have been fighting lately...I don't even know why...I hate this.."

You nod, because you'd surely hate that too. Though, you speculated an idea that could've caused the fighting. You don't tell Gaby, though. You want to, but something stops you. You figure telling Gaby would certainly be suprising and you're sure Gaby would brush of the idea. That Buff and Cheese are literally, fighting over Gaby.

"I see. That sucks,"

With that, you both finish off your food, and part ways for the day. 

You head back to your dorm. You hope Kiwi isn't waiting for you there. You think about Zed, who planned this whole project in the first place. His insane grin, and intentions. You shiver, because it's too cold in this damned hallway. You longed for Kiwi's warm embrace.

You approach your dorm and make your way inside, only to be met with Kiwi - who was in fact, still sitting in the same exact place and position, as you had left her.

She digs her piercing eyesight into your skin, and it hurts. It hurts because she doesn't appreciate you anymore. You decide that this is a selfish thought, and you sit next to the bored girl. 

You brush your fingers through her hair, and it feels rough. Her hair is so long it's terrifying, and you wonder if she even cared about her hair at this point. You love it, though. You love her hair and you push your head into it, because It feels nice. Rough, yet nice. You breathe into her hair and you wonder if you've gone crazy. You bite into her neck, because it's there, open and bare for you to do whatever. No reaction. You had figured this, but you kept going, because you liked it. The taste of her. She didn't care, yet you felt satisfied when you saw her flinch a bit every now and then. Hopeless, breathy moans escape your body and shudder against her cold body. She lifts her disgustingly fragile hands and holds onto you. She holds onto you, and you indulge in it, because you're hopeless, and you need someone. You need her gross, disgusting, unhealthy body. And you press yourself on top of her. 

You wasn't sure if she even cared. Her eyes went wide, but only for a split second.

You stare into her eyes, with those desperate eyes of yours, and you suddenly don't know what to do. 

Kiwi doesn't care, though.

You breathe into her shoulder again, because you want to do something, yet you can't.

Kiwi doesn't care, though.

You grab her hair, you twist her hair. You had ran your fingers through her hair so many times you couldn't even count anymore.

Kiwi doesn't care, though.

You press your lips against hers because again, you're hopeless. Digusting. Desperate. 

It's messy and hot, yet she opens her mouth for you. It's so disguting you're trash and you desperately need this and she's  _giving_   _it to you and fuck-_

Kiwi doesn't care, though.

\--

But you ruin yourself, because you fall in love with a girl that doesn't even acknowledge you anymore.

And you enjoy it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS TRASH IM TRASH IM SO SORRY KIWI


	4. im so sorry, kiwi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kiwi goes off the deep end  
> festival is comin
> 
> TW: LEN AND RIDDLE YAOI

Kiwi lays on top of you, sleeping with such a call demeanor. You love watching her as she sleeps. The way her stomach moves. You want to touch it, but you decide against it, because you don't want to disturb Kiwi's sleep. She deserves it more than you, after all. You peck a small, delicate kiss on her cheek, and you roll her to her side, where she can sleep without you being a horrible support for her.

\--

You grab your supplies and head out the dorm as fast as you can. You catch Doctor Zedrin's eye in the hallways and you snarl at him. He just laughs lightly back and that pisses you off way more than it should. You think about Kiwi. Then Gaby. Then Cheese, Then - Len? 

You see Len standing beside his roommate Dango, in a conversation which seems to be about the festival. You apporach them, waving.

"You two are in charge of setting this thing up?" you ask.

Dango smiles and pats you on the shoulder. She was always...touchy. But she was very friendly with everyone and you liked her a lot for it. A personality like that was really something you dreamed for. But it was too late now, you guess.

"I've been planning this thing for months. I was lucky Len was even around to help me! He's always so busy doing, whatever Lens do in their freetime." She joked. Len gave her a look but was soon laughing along with her.

I sighed and offered my help to the pair.

A long with Len's flat out NO, Dango perked up with a Yes! So I decided to go for the latter. Len was pretty upset, but who was I to care? Dango had put me in charge in setting up the lanturns all around the area. The job was pretty easy, so you happily accepted and got right to work. Riddles decided to join you two, and you were quite smug when Len had happily welcomed Riddles into helping. You gave him a look and Len almost threw one of the booths at you.

You, Riddles, Len, and Dango spend most of the day setting up for the festival, which occured that night. You all met soon at a restaurant, payed by for Dango, who was proud of our amazing work. I was too, really.

Len kept going on how he should pay for it, and him and Dango were almost ready for a full on fight in the diner. Me and Riddles helped stop them, though, before anything got too serious. We ate at quite a damn fancy restaurant, the food was expensive and I haven't felt this full in such a long time, the feeling was just oddly nostalgic. Riddles had agreed with you, and soon everyone agreed on the fact they haven't been able to relax like this since the beginning of the year. You were happy, honestly. For once, spending time with them made you..It made you happy. You thanked them all for such a relaxing hour, and you told them you'd meet them at the festival soon. They nodded expectingly and awaited your arrival. 

You made the trip to Gaby's dorm, first.

You knocked harshly and prayed Gaby would answer. Though, her jumpy girlfriend answered instead. You were bothered, because you had not seen Gaby all day, and you just wanted to talk to her about them going to the festival.

"Ey, Shiba! What brings you here?" She asks, in that clueless yet adorable tone of hers.

I decided to be straightforward.

"Oh, I'm...Do you know where Gaby is, Cheese..?"

Cheese shakes her head almost immediately. It makes you suspicious for the moment.

"No Idea.....Maybe she had gone to the festival already? I was honestly worried. Why didn't she ask me? Who's she going with, anyway?"

I decide to take this moment to give a small suggestion to Cheese, in hopes her and Buff's arguing would be..easier to tame.

"Hmm..Cheese? Maybe you should go to the festival..with Buff. I mean, wouldn't be better if you both stayed away from Gaby for the time being?" I suggest.

Cheese smiles. But she smiles wide. Like, in a deviant sort of way. It's unsettling, and I decide that maybe that Idea wasn't a good one, and I quickly head to my own dorm, ignoring the fact that whatever Cheese is planning will most likely be my fault.

I open the door, and await Kiwi on the other side. 

She sits on my bed, playing with the sheets. She makes an almost impossible to hear comment about thefucking fabric being boring. She was right. That fabric was boring.

"..Kiwi? Do you plan on going anywhere tonight?" I ask quickly before I head out, dressed in some lazy t-shirt and jeans.

"..No. Nothing Interests me. Go...." Kiwi says the words in such a Dry tone, but when you consider the tone, it sounds as if she's distressed you were leaving.

That couldn't be it, so you brush off the idea and head over to the festival grounds, where you spotted Gaby on a bench toward the enterance. She waves and smiles big in your direction. You decide that maybe this won't be so bad.

Len was doing his own thing, until Riddles decided to follow him. Me and Gaby pointed it out to each other, and I still thought it was cute. We giggle a bit and approach the two, deciding to walk with the pair as well. Riddles watched Len's every move, like when he went to eat food, or when he turned to scold me. Riddles was always fucking staring at him, with those bedroom eyes.

"...Len. You're a really cute boy, you know?" 

Riddles says it in such a seductively eerie tone I almost trip over Gaby's feet. Len spits out his dango and he's blushing mad, now, while Gaby is giggling in the background. I giggle too and this time I really faceplant into the snow. Len runs over to the boy and tell him that he's not cute, or pretty. Riddles is amused by this and he wraps his arms around the rather angry, yet very flustered Len.

Riddles is clinging to him now and Len just sighs.

Len gives Me and Gaby some sort of death stare. Seconds later, they're arms are around each other and Len looks like he's  _enjoying_ it and that's a first. Len just keeps growling at us. Maybe it was best to leave them be. They were - Cute, was all I could really think of. I give Gaby a signal to leave them alone. She silently nods and we allow the boys some privacy. Though I look back, and I notice they're already all over each other.

We laugh. 

I'm happy.

Gaby insists we get something to eat as well, and she drags me to every food booth we could find and she practically eats the entire festival out. I helped, a bit. I was still hung up on Kiwi - and that damned project.

Apparently the teachers were a apart of it. Maybe. You knew Ms. Koneko had to have done something. I mean, when Doctor Zedrin addresses the project with an "our" I can't figure everyone is in on it, and the worst part is - was that why Ms. Koneko was so..attracted to her? To Kiwi?

It was disgusting and I groaned just a little too loudly, and I caught Gaby's unwanted attention.

\--

**gaby pov**

****  
What the Fuck was up with her? Was it really too hard to enjoy at least one day of your life?  
Shiba groans and you sigh heavily. You hated when people were miserable, because you were miserable, too. You nudge Shiba until she finally pays attention to you. You give her a 'what the fuck was that about?' look.

"Seriously...I know things are bad, but, did anything happen when you went back into your dorm last night?"

Shiba flinches at the question and something's up. Now it was your turn to be all in her personal space. She stares into you with deathly hollow eyes, and you feel the need to snort at her. You avert your gaze to - Cheese and Buff. Apparently they had come here together? 

You didn't put too much thought into it, and awaited Shiba's reply.

She hesitates for a little bit too long and you're about to beat it out of her, but she complies quickly when she sees the glare in your eyes.

"...Kiwi. There's really nothing else you need to know."

You frown, obviously unsatisfied with her answer. You want to press further, but you recongnize a voice, and by the corner of your eye, you see Buff and Cheese, in..some kind of argument. You growl and decide to leave Shiba alone for now, because honestly, you weren't in the mood for this. 

You storm toward the ignorant girls, and decide to grab Cheese's shoulder. She stares at you with a more hurting expression than anything you've ever seen.

"C-Cheese..! What are you doing..!" You debate on admonishing her but you decide you wouldn't pry her, besides, all of this could be your fault after all. Cheese wipes the blood from her cheek, and winces at your much calmer touch. You cup her face, and calmly lick the remaining blood off of her. It's disgusting, and you hate the taste, but you feel it was too hard to be so harsh around Cheese. You acknowledged Buff, with a deathly glare. 

Buff sighs lightly. She stares at the ground, eyes full of regret, and you could see tears forming. You grit your teeth, so hard that it actually hurts, because you're honestly so lost on these two, and you notice Shiba slip out of the scene. It's not like you cared. In which, you did. You try to kiss the hurt away, and you only realize that upon kissing Cheese you feel every single piece of regret on your life pile up at once. It feels hot and uncomfortable when you kiss her, but you don't mind. For some reason, you don't mind. Buff grabs you, and then she kisses you. 

You gasp, and you happily begin to kiss her back. But it doesn't  _feel_ right and you _know_ Cheese is watching you _enjoy_ it and you _hate_ yourself.

You hate yourself.

Yet you don't care. 

Cheese pulls you away from Buff. 

Her eyes are dangerous, and seconds later, you feel something pound your face in. Then the lights go out.

\--

**shiba pov**

Riddles tugs on my sleeve.

"..H-Hey, did you see that back there? I noticed you walking away too fast and-"

I'm sick of that sickenly sweet voice and I push him away.

"Just shut up. It's all my fault, anyway." I stare into his eyes, he looks fairly suprised, but he doesn't say anything else. I'm happy at his choice and I quickly end up back at my dorm again. Kiwi awaits me, at her desk this time. Was she..doing homework? You couldn't bother to care. You run your fingers through Kiwi's hair again, and the entire room is full of her scent. Except, the atmosphere is much darker. Yet, comforting. She stops doing whatever she was doing, and turns to face you. 

Kiwi's eyebrows drop, but only for a bit before she's back to her neutral expression.

"You're horrible." she tells me. I believe it.

And I bury my face into her shoulder.

She calls me horrible things. Horribly true things.

I sob and she lets me kiss her again, sloppily and desperate like the night before. 

I cry.

And my Kiwi, is no longer here to comfort me, with words. Delicate words. Words I so selfishly wanted.

This Kiwi; told me the truth.

"You disgusting piece of trash you caused all of this and i wont ever forgive you, you fucking mess of a person"

I nod, and I disgustingly touch her all over, because I don't want to lose this, gross thing in front of me.

"Do you love me?" I ask.

Kiwi presses her lips against mine again and suddenly we're lost.

\--

isn't it truely disgusting to find pleasure in the truth? 

the truth of what you really are, horrible.

it's disgusting and kiwi just gives you cold stares when you smile.

a nerve wracking smile. 

and you're disgusting. still, so very disgusting

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> this sucks im sorry it was mostly me venting and writing about a few ppl idk but im sure it will be less trashy. maybe


End file.
